Whisper
by mtd4417
Summary: What has happened to Angela? How does she deal with her life turning upside down? rating to be safe. RR!
1. All Alone Again

A/N: Hey everyone. Here I am... posting yet another story. lol. Honestly, I don't know why I'm starting this one because I still have to finish "Changes", "Come Home", "And Then There Was Ethan", and "The Last Battle". I know I said I wasn't gonna post this until after I finished Changes, but the idea was really bugging me and I had to get it out. But I promise that I will update (and finish) Changes soon. Well, here's the first chapter. Hope you like it. Please RR! (BTWthis will be told in Angela's POV and I know she may seem OOC, but please just go with it)

disclaimer: i do not own BMW or any characters

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I wiped the freshly fallen tears from my face that had recently cascaded from my eyes like rain drops from the darkest of clouds and sighed as I sat on my bed. I sniffled as I looked at the picture I held in my hand, remembering the days when everything was ok. When I had friends, people I could look to for help when I needed it. More tears fell as I gazed at the cheery faces of Cory, Topanga, Shawn, and myself. I don't know why things happened the way they did. Suddenly everything had just fallen apart and seemed as if my world was broken forever. Nothing would ever be the same... not since that day... Well, there is no use crying over the past. What's done is done, and nothing can ever change that. Standing up, I placed the picture in the top drawer of my dresser and stumbled into my bathroom, closing the door behind me.

"What've you done to yourself, Angela?" I asked myself as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. "What happened? Why are you letting yourself be destroyed?" Knowing I would never receive the answers to my questions, I sighed and threw open the medicine cabinet. I felt through the items until I reached what I was searching for. Flipping open the pocketknife that I held in my hand, I began to wonder 'Why am I doing this? Do I really think that adding another cut will help me?' I felt hot tears begin to run down my face once again like they had been doing for so long.

"I can't help it," I whispered aloud. "The pain won't help, but I enjoy the pain." My body shook in uncontrollable sobs as I wondered why I am doing this to myself.

"Pull yourself together, Angela. You can do this. What's another cut? It's not like you have anything to live for anyway. Not after what happened... but that was so long ago. Why am I still thinking of it? Why can't I just let it go?" I cried through my tears. After wiping my eyes, I sniffed and looked at the counter where I had laid the knife. My hand reached out for it and I felt the cold blade in my hand as my fingers wrapped around it. Taking a deep breath, I lowered the blade the my flesh and pressed down until blood flowed from the new cut. I pulled the knife down, making the cut longer, ignoring the new tears that were falling from my eyes, and waited. I waited for the feeling; the feeling that I would one day get when I finally succeed; the feeling that I would feel when I realized I had finally met the end, the feeling of death. I haven't felt it yet, but I suspected that I would very soon. After adding a few more cuts to my arm, I saw that today was not the day that I would finally experience that feeling, an end to all my pain, and I returned the knife to its place in the medicine cabinet. I left the bathroom knowing that I had once again failed to experience what I had been longing for for so long.

"Maybe tomorrow," I muttered under my breath as I checked the clock hanging on the wall of my apartment's kitchen. 11:30. I made my way into my bedroom and crawled into my bed thinking about how my life had been turned upside down and how the affects of that day are still messing with my mind. Thoughts of these questions played over and over in my head until the darkness of the night overcame me and I fell into a deep sleep.  
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"Angela! Angela! Wake up!" My eyes opened and I found myself staring into the face of my boyfriend of three months, Mike. After the day when everything had fallen apart, Mike had shown up acting like he would always be there for me, like he loved me, and I believed it. I believed him. But I didn't know what I was getting myself into until I saw the real him.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily, turning over under the covers, never wanting to get up.

"It's almost nine in the morning. Why aren't you up yet? Where were you last night? You were out with some other guy weren't you?" Mike demanded as he ripped the covers from my body. I quickly sat up to defend myself.

"No! I was here. I was just having a bad night last night," I explained quietly. He glared at me disbelievingly before responding.

"You expect me to believe that? If you were here then why didn't you answer the phone when I called? You're lying, you little slut. Now tell me the truth!" Mike bellowed. I shrank back in fear, trying to remember when the phone had rung. Then it hit me... I had forgotten to pay the cable bill so my phone lines were disconnected.

"I _was_ here. It's just that my phone lines were disconnected and-" I broke off and gasped in pain when Mike suddenly grabbed my wrist and twisted it painfully behind my back, dragging me off the bed.

"Stop! That hurts. Stop, please!" I cried in pain, holding back more tears that were about to fall. Mike twisted it harder and I squeezed my eyes shut. I balanced on my knees holding myself up with my right hand as Mike held my left arm twisted behind my back.

"I'll stop when you tell me the truth!" he yelled furiously.

"I _am_ telling the truth! I-" my voice broke and I stopped talking for fear of crying, showing Mike my defeat, and I couldn't do that.

"Go ahead and cry, bitch! Let it out! You dirty slut. You deserve everything that happens to you!" Mike shouted as he twisted my arm even more and I felt a tear begin to fall but quickly brushed it away with my right hand. Finally giving up on getting another answer from me, Mike placed his right foot in the middle of my back and, still holding onto my left arm, stomped me to the ground. He dropped my arm and kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I closed my eyes and tried to take the pain until he finally stopped and left my apartment without another word.

It was finally safe to cry. Hot tears fell rapidly from my eyes as I tried to push myself up with my right arm. I leaned my back against my bed and got into a sitting position before looking down at my left arm. It was black and blue from where Mike had held it and I could tell that I would have to go to the hospital. Shakily, I stood from the floor of my bedroom, feeling a great deal of pain in my ribs. Feeling as though I would fall, I thrust my right arm out to catch myself on the wall and decided to ask my neighbor to take me. Balancing against the walls, I made my way to the front door of my apartment and stepped out into the empty hallway. I knocked on the door across the hall from my room and waited. A few seconds later, a blonde girl named Tori answered the door. After taking one look at me she gasped in shock.

"Angela, what happened?" she asked. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that it was all Mike and that he'd been doing this to me for three months. I wanted to show her the bruises and scars, but I couldn't. I couldn't because every time I thought of telling someone my secret, I thought of what Mike had said he would do to me if I ever told anyone and I backed out of it.

"Can you please just take me to the hospital?" I asked, ignoring her question. Tori looked me over for a moment.

"Yeah, of course. Let's go," she replied. Tori flicked the lights off in her apartment and we walked down to the parking lot to get into her car.

The drive was quiet. I didn't say anything to Tori about why I looked the way that I did, and Tori didn't ask, even though I knew she wanted to. When we finally arrived at the hospital, we walked into the emergency room. I was taken to a room and was told to wait for the doctor, while Tori had to stay in the waiting room.

About two hours later, I opened the door of my apartment again, but this time I was wearing a sling on my left arm. The doctor had, of course, wanted to know what had caused this to happen, and I, obviously, refused to tell him. I sat on my couch and began to wonder.

Why am I with Mike? He is so abusive, why don't I leave him? Shawn would have never hit me. Oh, why did I believe Mike? I could have made things work with Shawn. If I would have known that I would be dealing with someone like Mike, I _would_ have made things work with him instead of so easily giving up. The moment I left Shawn that day was the moment I knew that things were only going to get worse. First it was Shawn, then Cory, and then Topanga. Soon afterward Eric, Jack, and Rachel as well. It all happened so fast and I didn't know what to do or how to stop it. But now, looking back on what happened that day months ago, I wonder what I could have done differently. I wonder that if I had just told Shawn that I still loved him and wanted to make things work that maybe we'd still be together. I wonder that maybe if I hadn't pushed away my friends, we'd still be close. As I ask myself these questions, I realize that everything that has happened has been my fault. It's _my_ fault Shawn and I broke up. It's _my_ fault that my friends left me because I pushed them away when they tried to help me. _Everything_ is my fault. It's even my fault that Mike hits me. Maybe if I wasn't such an attention seeking bitch, like Mike said, then someone out there could love me. But this is just the way things are.

"I'm so confused," I whisper out loud. I stand from my couch and wander into my bedroom. Collapsing onto my bed, I think of Mike and I think of Shawn. I wonder if things will ever go back to the way they used to be, but I know they won't. Refusing to let myself cry again, I lay there on my bed, thinking, alone.  
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A/N: well there's the first chapter. hope you liked it. this story was actually inspired by one of my favorite songs, so at the end of the story I will post the lyrics to the song. once you read the story and then read the song lyrics, you will see how well they fit together. anyway, hope you all liked the first chapter. i will try to update this as well as Changes soon, but no guarantees. so, please RR and if you have any ideas or wanna talk, i have Yahoo, MSN, and AIM so you can check my profile for my screen names. please RR!


	2. Desperate To Escape

A/N: hey. sorry it took me so long to update. i'm glad everyone has liked it so far. here's the next chapter. RR

SunRise19: we'll find out what Angela does later.

get-it-on65: yeah it's really sad when people blame themselves for something they can't control. i love your story btw. hope u update soon. keep reading

disclaimer: i do not own BMW or any characters except Mike.

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"Shit!" I exclaimed angrily as I dropped a stack of glass plates that I was trying to put into the cupboard in my kitchen. I jumped backward as the glass shattered on the floor.

"Are you ok?" Tori asked worriedly, rushing into the kitchen from my apartment's living room. She looked from me to the shattered glass with a worried expression on her face. I could feel my face turning a shade of red from embarrassment.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I guess I shouldn't hold a whole stack of plates with one hand, huh?" I replied. "This damn sling."

"Well, I'll help you clean this up, and then I have to go home. All right?" Tori asked. I wanted to tell her to stay. I knew that if she did, Mike wouldn't hit me. He never hits me when other people are around. But I couldn't. If I did, Tori would know what Mike does to me, and then Mike would do something worse than anything he's ever done before.

"Al- all right," I stuttered. Tori looked at me questioningly before walking over to the kitchen closet and pulling out the broom and dust pan. We cleaned up the mess, Tori sweeping and me holding the dust pan, until the glass had all been removed.

"Well, I gotta go now, ok? I'll see you tomorrow," Tori said, walking to the front door.

"Ok. See ya," I called after her. Once the door shut, I knew I had to get out of my apartment before Mike came. I was just so scared that if I stayed home, he would most definitely come over and abuse me even more. My body began to go numb at the thought of this, and I quickly grabbed my car keys and left my apartment. As I made my way toward the stairs, I thought I would be able to make it out of the building safely. That is, until I turned the corner from the hallway to the exit. Not looking where I was going, I felt myself collide with another person.

"Watch where you're going," I scolded angrily. Then I looked up at the person I had run into and gasped.

"Angela!" Mike exclaimed in a false cheery tone. "I was just coming up to see you."

"Yeah, well, I have somewhere to go," I told him, trying to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"I said, I'm here to see you," Mike repeated through clenched teeth. I felt even more fear build up inside of me, but I knew I would have to agree.

"Of course. All right, then, let's go up to my apartment," I suggested dreadfully. As we began to walk up the stairs, I thought, who knows, maybe he's changed. Maybe he won't hit me anymore. Maybe I'm just losing my mind. We reached the door to my apartment and I opened it, leading the way in with Mike right behind me. He closed the door quietly behind himself.

"You were trying to get out down there, weren't you?" he demanded as soon as the door was shut. I shuddered, but didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say.

"Uh... I.. uh-" Mike slapped me across the face. He grabbed my shoulders and got so close to me that I could smell the alcohol on his breath. His eyes were so narrow they just looked like little slits and his face was turning red from anger.

"You think you can avoid me?" Mike bellowed, shaking my shoulders slightly. "Bitch!" He shoved me against the wall, forcefully, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes once again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were there-" Mike's fist, painfully, then rammed into the side of my face.

"Shut up, bitch," his voice growled. "The sooner you shut up, the sooner I can get this over with." I closed my eyes and awaited the worst. I felt his fists against my face; my eyes, lip, nose, and anywhere else he could reach, and I tried desperately not to let any tears escape. Finally, after a firm kick in my shins, he let one last punch to my stomach and left. I fell to my knees again and let the tears fall from my eyes.

'Why is he doing this to me?' I wondered. Despite the pain I was in, I stumbled into my bathroom once again to flipped on the light switch. I wiped away my tears and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Staring back at me, I saw my beautiful hair tangled in a mass of knots, my left eyes already beginning to turn a bluish, blackish shade, and there was blood streaming out of my nose. My lips were swollen and my teeth hurt badly.

"This is it," I muttered to myself in a low voice before throwing open the medicine cabinet again. I pulled out my trusty knife and, with a force, stabbed it into my arm right below my wrist. I pulled upward, hoping to God that my cut was deep enough this time. As the blood poured from the cut, I realized it wasn't deep enough and put the knife away before running cold water over my new wound.

"I've gotta get out of here," I whispered. Quickly, I applied makeup to the place on my eye where it was turning dark to try and hide it as best as I could. I wiped the blood from my face and tried to think of something I could do for my lip. Nothing. Sighing, I took a quick brush to my hair and, with another grab of my keys, was out the door.

'Finally, I'm free!' I thought. I exited the apartment building and climbed into my car. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I decided to go uptown where the Summerfest was taking place. At least there I could sit in the beer tent with other people who were as lost in their lives as me. I drove absentmindedly to the festival and began walking until I, once again, felt myself collide with another person. I was scared that I had once again run into Mike, but when I heard the shock in this voice, I knew it was different. I recognized this voice in an instant. I looked up at the person I had run into. The person gasped when our eyes met.

"Angela?"

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A/N: who is it? i'll update soon. i hope everyone liked this chapter. please RR!


	3. Bad News

A/N: Hey. I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter. Here's chapter 3. Enjoy.

get-it-on65: thanx. glad you liked it. keep reading

V-LOVE: you'll find out who it is very soon...

HELENz: good guess... but you'll find out pretty soon.

disclaimer: i do not own Boy Meets World or any characters except Mike who i totally made up.

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I looked up into the eyes of that person who said my name and wanted to die right then and there. Those eyes brought back so many memories. Memories I wish I could go back to, but knew it was too late. I couldn't speak.

"Angela?" I shook my head, coming back out of my thoughts, and forced a smile.

"Shawn! Uh... how have you... uh... been?" I asked hesitantly. He eyed me curiously before answering.

"I've, uh, been all right I guess," he replied and then paused, looking at me as if suspecting something, "How have you been?"

I couldn't tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him all about Mike and how miserable I've been ever since we broke up and how I want more than anything just for everything to go back to the way things were before. But I couldn't. If I did, I would pay with my life and his. So I lied.

"I've been ok," I said, not meeting his eyes. "So... what are you doing up here? I thought you... left."

"Yeah, uh, I did. But I got a call a couple days ago from Cory," Shawn explained. I looked at him curiously. What could Cory have told him? And why wasn't it important enough to tell me? Did Cory Matthews really hate me that much?

"Really," I replied, keeping my thoughts to myself again. "That's... uhh... nice."

"Yeah I thought so too when I first answered the phone. Then I found out why he called and... well... you probably already know, right?" Shawn asked. What was I supposed to say? Know what? What do I supposedly know? I decided to just go along with it until I found out what was going on.

"Uh, yeah. I heard," I replied, trying not to sound too stupid.

"Sucks huh? I mean, all those years I wanted to escape him, and now he was finally out of my life, then..." Shawn trailed off, thinking I knew what he was talking about. I just nodded in agreement.

"So... aside from that, what have you been up to? I mean, it seems like it's been forever since we've seen each other," I asked, trying to change the subject.

"What are you talking about? We only broke up a few months ago."

Those words stung me. _Broke up_. I hated thinking of that. Had we never broken up, I wouldn't be with Mike. I wouldn't be miserable. In fact, I'd be happy. I always was... until I screwed it up.

"Oh... yeah... I forgot," I said quietly, once again, knowing I sounded stupid. Shawn seemed to notice too because he was quiet for a moment.

"Uh... so are you seeing anyone right now then?" he asked. My heart jumped. Why was he wanting to know if I was single? Maybe...

"Why are you asking?" I asked hopefully.

"Cuz you look tired and when we were together you never forgot anything. I was just thinking that if you're with someone else, then you wouldn't be thinking about when we broke up. Which is good," he replied.

"Why is it good that I didn't remember all the details of our break up?" I asked, disappointed.

"Because it means you're moving on. That's good. You're not stuck in the past trying to figure out what someone did wrong like a lot of girls do," Shawn answered. I looked up at him.

"How would you know that? Have you had many girlfriends after me?" I asked.

"A few... none really serious," he replied, kind of shrugging it off.

"So you haven't had another relationship like ours?" I asked, hoping that he would realize how much I want things normal again.

"I'll never have another relationship like ours," he replied. Before I could completely analyze the meaning of this reply, he changed the subject again. "So, I gotta go now. I'll, uh, see you at the funeral tomorrow then?"

"Funeral?" I asked worriedly.

"Yeah. That's why I'm back. It's why Cory called me. Angela, don't tell me you forgot about it already," Shawn said and I went cold. Who died?

"I've had a lot on my mind," I replied quietly, looking at the ground.

"Feeny's viewing's tomorrow at 2. The funeral the next day. I'll see you then," Shawn explained before walking past me into the crowd.

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A/N: Feeny died... sad right? Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think. I'll post more later. RR


	4. The Viewing

A/N: hey. sorry it's been so long since i've updated. my computer was disconnected because we're moving stuff around. but here's the fourth chapter. please RR.

Jessie: yeah poor mr. feeny. i'm glad you like it. keep reading!

disclaimer: i do not own anything in this story other than Mike

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The wind blew, rustling the leaves that were falling to the ground in spirals. The wonderful smell of freshly mown grass filled the air around the funeral home as I made my way up the stone path to the front door. Aside from nature itself, the clicking of my shoes on the stone was the only noise outside.

Was I really ready for this? The answer was obvious to me. None of us were really ready for this, that is, if everyone was the same as they were months before. But how could they be the same? None of us stayed the same. Not after what I did...

I reached the front door and stopped, took a deep breath, before pulling it open and walking inside. Within the building door, I saw many crowds of people. I made my way through the crowds, trying not to jostle anyone, and trying to stay unnoticed until I made it to the coffin where Mr. Feeny lay. After squeezing through a crowd of seniors talking about how great of a teacher Mr. Feeny once was, I was finally in front of the coffin.

I looked down and saw Mr. Feeny lying there, not moving, the make-up on his face clearly visible. His glasses were perched upon his face, but would be taken off forever the following day. He was dressed in a white shirt with a brown button-up jacket pulled on over it, which he often wore. Looking at this man who had taught me in high school and college, now lifeless in front of me, just felt so unreal. I kept imagining his eyes opening and him sitting up wondering what was going on. But deep inside of me, I knew it wouldn't happen.

"Life's not fair sometimes, is it?" a voice from beside me said. I looked to my left to see none other than Shawn standing there, looking at Mr. Feeny.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, although I thought the same thing.

"I always thought we would all be reunited sometime in the future. But after you and I broke up and you kind of disappeared, nothing was the same. And now with Mr. Feeny gone, no one to go to for advice, no one for help, nothing, where do we go from here?" I said nothing, only listened to his words and thought of how right he was. "After you left, Cory and Topanga started having problems. She's had divorce papers drawn up twice in the past three months, but she hasn't followed through with it either time."

"Do you ever think of how things were before?" I asked, looking at him. Shawn looked up, and our eyes met.

"Of course I do. Cory and Topanga were the perfect couple. Me and you were happy together. Anytime someone needed any life advice, Mr. Feeny was there. We all had each other. Now, Feeny's dead, you and I are over, Cory and Topanga are fighting, and Lord knows what's happened to Rachel, Eric, or Jack," he replied.

"Things don't have to be terrible though," I told him.

"Angela, things will never be like they were before. Nothing will ever be normal again," Shawn replied.

"But Shawn, you said you missed how things use to be." I felt like crying. I wanted so bad just to be with him.

"I know I do. But things will never be like they use to be. We have to learn to accept that," Shawn said.

"You're right. Mr. Feeny will never be back. But there is hope for the rest of us," I began. "Cory and Topanga could look into marriage counseling. And things don't have to be over between you and me-"

"Angela, stop," Shawn said firmly. "Look, you know I still care about you, even after what happened. But you should also know that I can never take you back. Not after what you did. I just can't. I'm sorry." He took one last look at Mr. Feeny, and then without saying another word, left the funeral home.

I wanted to break down and cry right there. I totally screwed up my whole life. Who was I trying to fool? Shawn would never take me back. I knew it. I still loved him more than anything in the world, but he wouldn't take me back.

'Looks like I'm gonna pay a visit to my little friend again tonight,' I thought to myself, dreading the pain I was going to put myself through, yet longing for it at the same time. I was about to leave when I heard a voice calling my name. I looked to the doorway and saw a face I never wanted to see again.

"Angela! Come here! I need to talk to you!" Mike called across the room. Despite my instincts to run far away from him, I obeyed and walked to the door, not knowing what would happen to me when I did.

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A/N: so, what do you think so far? i hope everyone likes it. RR and i'll post more soon!


	5. An Unexpected Rescue

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated for so long. I've been having terrible writers block with this story. Anyway, here's (finally) chapter 5. Enjoy!

Anon: Thanks. Here you go.

Jessie: Thanks. I'm glad you like it so much. We'll find out what Angela did soon. Keep reading to find out!

HELENz: Thank you. Enjoy!

V-LOVE: We'll see what she does...

CracKHeaDwitskillz: Thanks. I'm glaf you like it so much. We'll find out very soon. Keep reading tho!

disclaimer: I do not own Boy Meets World or any characters except Mike who is totally fictional.

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My stomach sank as I walked to the door, my entire body shaking, praying that for once I would be able to muster the courage to stand up to Mike. Maybe... maybe this time I could... maybe...

"Angela," Mike growled when I got close enough that he knew only I could hear, "get outside. Now." Knowing I was weak, I obeyed.

"Bitch!" He yelled after closing the door to the funeral home. He kicked me hard in the back of the knees and my legs gave way; I crashed to the ground, catching myself with my arms.

"Mike, please!" I began to plea with him. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was looking down on me, smirking evilly, satisfied with my begging and eager to pursue it.

"Mike please," Mike mimicked in a high pitched voice and kicked me again in the ribs. "You can't escape me Angela. No one will take you in. No one cares about you. Nobody gives the slightest fuck about you." I closed my eyes, knowing he was right.

"I'm sorry," I barely whispered.

"You'll never leave me," Mike growled before stomping me down to the ground and stepping over me to walk to his car. I just laid there, motionless, on the ground with my eyes closed, trying to wish the pain away. Suddenly, I was jerked back into reality when I heard a loud gunshot go off and saw Mike drop to his knees before collapsing on the ground. I gasped and looked up to see...

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A/N: I know, I'm evil huh? lol. Well, I promise I'll update sooner than I did last time, but you guys have to review first. K? So, there's chapter 5. Please review!


	6. Tearful Confessions

A/N: All right people. Before you read on, please read this note. I'm gonna try to say this without coming off like an entire bitch, but if I sound offensive, I apologize in advance and hope to God I don't lose any readers from this.

I know that I waited a long time to update the last time. I understand that entirely. And I apologized for it. I didn't think I'd have to give a play-by-play reason as to why I haven't been updating frequently, but apparently I do. First and foremost, I had terrible, terrible writers block on this story and just wasn't really inspired to write a dark/sad story at the time. I realize that chapter 4 was posted way back in October, but I've been really busy since then too, aside from having writers block. In November my class took a class trip to DC and in December my family went out to Missouri for a while to spend time with our family we haven't seen for a while. January through March I really have no excuse other than the fact I had bad writers block and softball conditioning and whatnot. Honestly, I just didn't have the time to update.

Oh, and just so you'll all be ready for it, please don't make any more comments about my lack of updates because I just found something out that is gonna make my life overwhelmingly hard for the next few years, which is also why I'm suddenly inspired to write a dark/sad story. Not that it's really anyone on here's business, but one of my friends was just told he only has 5 years left to live. Because of that, obviously I don't feel like doing much of anything right now, and I want to spend as much time with him as I can for the next 5 years. If that interferes with my fanfic updating time, so be it. I love writing, but some things in my life are more important to me.

I hope nobody took any of that offensively because I love that so many people read my stories. Just letting you know not to be expecting daily, or maybe weekly, updates from me and if I go a long period without updating again, it's not because I forgot. SO, here's chapter 6. Enjoy.

Tina101: We'll find out. Keep reading

Anon: I'm sorry. Read above to answer your own question.

Jessie: lol. Yeah Mike deserved it. Glad you like it. Keep reading.

HELENz: Thanks. Here you go.

disclaimer: I do not own BMW or any characters except Mike

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"Shawn..." I whispered lowly enough he couldn't hear me. Shawn looked down at me, his eyes filled with horror. Embarrassed, I scrambled to my feet and hurried away from him, not looking back when I heard him call my name.

I entered the park. It was dark now; the darkness soothed me as the leaves were blown by the cool night wind. I seated myself on a swing and slipped my shoes of, gently rocking back and forth.

'Why did he follow me?' I thought. I knew I was still in love with him. He saved my life. But wait... Mike was dead. 'That means I'm free.'

"Oh my God," I whispered. Why did it have to be this way? Just then, I saw a shadow edge its way in front of me. I didn't have to look up to know who it was.

"May I sit down?" he asked. I nodded my head. Shawn took the swing beside me and we sat in silence for a moment until I began to stand up. "Angela." I turned back to him.

"What Shawn?" I asked. He looked at me, almost pleading me with his eyes to stay. I sighed and sat back down. "What?"

"Angela, why didn't you say something?" he asked. I looked at the ground.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I whispered. Shawn pressed on.

"I saw what that bastard did to you at the funeral home," he continued. "You should have told someone."

"Told them what Shawn?" I asked, finally making eye contact with him, tears rimming my eyes. "Tell them of what a dirty slut I am? That's why I lost you. That's why Mike came to me in the first place; because I was vulnerable. I'm an undeserving bitch, just like Mike always told me. I see why you left me."

"Angela," Shawn breathed, reaching up to brush the hair out of my now tear streaked face. "That's not true-"

"Don't play it like it's not real Shawn," I muttered through my tears. "We both know why you left me. You even told me that's the reason you'd never take me back."

"I didn't leave you because I thought you were a slut," Shawn sighed.

"But I am," I cried. "That's obvious if you look at what I did to make you leave me."

"No," Shawn said. "I left you because I was mad. I saw and heard one thing and didn't listen to you about it. I just ended it."

"It doesn't even matter now," I told him. "I did it and there's no excuse for it."

"But I took it wrong and I'm sorry," Shawn soothed. I shook my head and stood from my swing.

"No you're not!" I cried. "You handled it just like anyone else would have. You're just saying all this now to make me feel better."

"Angela, that's not true," Shawn said, standing from his swing too. "We'd just gotten in a big fight and-"

"That doesn't make it right, Shawn," I exclaimed. He fell silent and looked at the ground.

"I know," he barely whispered. I wiped my eyes and turned to leave. "Wait-"

"Shawn," I interrupted, not looking at him behind me, "Stop." And without another word I walked out of the park, not knowing where I should go.

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A/N: I hope you all liked that chapter. It was hinted what Angela did, but the whole story will be revealed coming up. Remember, the song that inspired this story will be coming up at the end of the story as well so don't miss that cuz it's a good song. lol. Well, R and R!


	7. Losing Control

A/N: Hey. Didn't realize it'd been so long since I've updated… well here's chapter 7. Enjoy!

Anon: Thanks… as it turns out, he lied about his medical condition to get attention from this girl he likes, he really isn't dying… Needless to say, we aren't friends anymore. But, not going into that. Thanks for reading and your compliment. I'm glad you like it so far. You're probably about as interested to see where I go with this as I am… I didn't plan on Mike being shot… but I now have been inspired with a whole new idea for this story… keep reading and I hope you like it

Jessie: Thanks I'm glad you like it. Keep reading

Tina101: You will if you keep reading

HELENz: Thanks. Glad you liked it

Peter Henderson: Well in the show, Angela left for Europe with her father and left Shawn in Philadelphia and he was going to move to New York with Cory, Topanga, and Eric. In my story, this is not so. What happened between Shawn and Angela in my story will be revealed in time. I'm glad you like it though and hope you keep reading

CracKHeaDwitskillz: Thanks I'm glad you like it

Disclaimer: I do not own Boy Meets World or any characters except Mike

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Click, click, click. The sound of my feet on the sidewalk. Where was I going? Who knows. Not me. I quickly made my way down the street, periodically glancing over my shoulder, a habit I'd grown accustomed to doing ever since I started dating Mike, and shivered as a breeze swept through the air. The material of my shirt was thin and I was lonely. Why had I walked away from Shawn? Again? I sighed and turned a corner, passing the theatre and a small ice cream shop, and continued to walk aimlessly through town. Where could I go? Home? Then Tori would question me about my new marks on my face; so no, home was not an option.

'Well,' I thought and sighed, 'I guess I could just go stay at Mike's tonight and wash up there. He won't be coming back any time soon.'

In truth, I wasn't too crazy about the thought of staying at Mike's house, even though I knew he wouldn't be coming home, but I couldn't go anywhere else and Mike had given me a key, so that is what I decided on doing. I crossed the street and turned left toward Mike's apartment, and before I knew it, I was outside his door. Bracing myself, I stopped and thought of the times I'd had inside Mike's apartment. This apartment was where Mike had first told me he loved me, where I gave myself to him the first time, where he would cook for me and wake me up with breakfast in the morning. But all of that time he had just been playing me. I couldn't understand how a man who seemed so perfect could have turned out to be like him. Bringing myself out of my memories, I shook my head and unlocked the door to enter the apartment.

I stepped inside and went directly to the bathroom to wash the blood off my face. After I was clean, I entered the living room and looked around, observing the changes I saw. When Mike and I had first started dating, his apartment was spotless; so clean and organized. Now, clothes and beer bottles were scattered everywhere. The place was trashed; Mike hadn't let me into his apartment for months and I never knew why. I figured he was hiding something, but I never gave it much thought because it was after he'd started beating me. I went over to the couch and sat down before looking at the coffee table and seeing pictures laying there. I picked them up and looked through them.

"Ugh," I mumbled quietly. "That bastard." They were pictures of girls… Many girls… Inappropriate pictures of girls. The worst part, was that Mike was in most of the pictures with the girls, grabbing them, touching them, undressing them, and these pictures were taken while he and I had been dating is what the date in the bottom corners of the pictures told me. Disgusted, I put the pictures down and picked up the remote. Why not watch a bit of tv? Suddenly, I heard a woman scream and I jumped and turned around.

"Who are you?" she asked. I looked at her for a moment, disgusted with what I saw.

"My name is Angela," I replied. "Mike's girlfriend. Who the hell are you?" The girl was wearing a blue lacy bra and a matching thong with four inch high heels. She looked like a hooker.

"I'm Candi," she replied, placing her hands on her hips. "Mike brought me home with him last night. I heard someone out here and thought it was him. I hoped we could have a little more fun before I left." Candi paused for a moment and eyed me up and down suspiciously. "Because apparently I can please him better than his own girlfriend."

"Yeah, ok," I said, rolling my eyes. "Well Mike's not coming back so why don't you put some clothes on your nasty ass self and go attract another STD."

"Huh, you are a bitch," Candi retorted, shaking her head before turning back to Mike's bedroom and returning moments later wearing a mini skirt and a tank top and clutching a bag of cocaine in her hand. "Tell Mike to call me." Candi stuffed the cocaine in her purse and left without another word.

I shook my head and turned the tv off. I had suddenly developed a craving for the beer in Mike's refrigerator. Entering the kitchen, I turned on the light and turned to the counter where I saw an unbelievable amount of marijuana. I shook my head.

"You'd think he'd at least keep it hidden," I muttered before opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of beer. I started towards the table, but the pot caught my eye again.

'No,' I thought to myself. I'd never smoked weed before, but it seemed like it was calling my name. 'No, you don't need to try it now.' I sat down at the kitchen table and opened the bottle of beer and began drinking it. The remote for the small television Mike had in his kitchen was laying a couple inches from my hand so I picked it up and turned on the tv. I really wasn't interested in what was on, I just wanted noise. As I drank the beer, I thought more about Shawn and what I'd done, wondering why things had to be the way they were.

I wasn't sure about many things in my life anymore, but the one thing I knew was how much I loved Shawn. However, he had made it clear that we were over, and I knew I had no chance of getting him back and returning to the happiness that I once knew. I felt tears begin to flow from my eyes and threw my empty beer bottle at the wall. The broken glass falling to the ground symbolizing my heart and soul shattering. I went to the refrigerator and pulled out another beer. On my way back to the table, I grabbed the marijuana this time, but I didn't smoke it. As I drank and cried over Shawn, the weed laid on the table in front of me, almost as if it were taunting me in my dismay. I finished my second beer and stood from the table again.

"Wonder what else he has," I whispered. I began to raid his kitchen and found bottles of Vodka, Jack Daniels, and Parrot Bay. I downed a glass of Jack Daniels before stumbling back to the table.

"Wonder what this feels like," I slurred and picked up the marijuana in my hands. I decided to smoke it. I took a few hits and placed the remaining pot back on the counter. Now drunk and high, I grabbed the bottle of Vodka and returned to the living room where I kicked my shoes off before going into the bathroom and opening his medicine cabinet. Of course, painkillers. I took a few in my hand and swallowed them before going to Mike's bedroom with the Vodka. I laid on his bed and took a few swigs from the bottle before everything went black. I had just passed out, and I had just lost all control of my life.

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"What the fuck," I mumbled. I woke up to unbearable pain in my head. I barely remembered anything of last night, but knew I was hung over. But wait, that wouldn't explain the shot of pain in my right eye. I forced my eyes to open and felt a tear escape when I was face to face with Mike.

"Good morning beautiful," he greeted me with a smile on his face. I sat upright quickly and soon regretted it, clutching my head in both hands. "It seems like you had a rough night last night. I see all the empty bottles and couldn't help but realize someone had taken some of the pot from the counter. How do you feel?" It took me a few moments for everything to register in my mind. I stared blankly at Mike as I tried to understand.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I live here," Mike replied. I thought he was dead.

"How…" my voice trailed away, but I think Mike knew what I was wondering.

"Apparently someone heard the gunshot and came outside. They saw me and called an ambulance. Luckily, no real damage was done and I'm ok. Of course, I still have a wound on my arm where the bullet hit." Mike shrugged. "But I'll be fine."

"Oh," I whispered. Mike ran his hand through my hair, but I was in too much pain to stop him.

"Isn't that wonderful news, sweetie?" he asked.

"Don't call me sweetie," I told him.

"Angela, you're my girlfriend," Mike said. "You know I only do everything I do because I love you, right? You're my everything. I love you baby." A few more tears escaped my eyes and I shook my head.

"No," I said.

"Baby, last night made me think a lot. If I'd been shot anywhere but the arm, I could have been gone. I could have lost you. So I wanted to make everything right between us," Mike said. "I love you more than anything Angela." I shook my head again.

"No," I repeated. "Mike I can't."

"Do you love me?" Mike asked and took my hand. I didn't answer, I couldn't answer. Mike began to squeeze my hand.

"Do you love me?" he repeated firmly. Still, I said nothing. Anger struck Mike, I could see it in his eyes, and he crushed my hand. I almost yelled out in pain, but caught myself.

"Yes," I said. "I love you." Mike released my hand and smiled.

"Good," he said. "You know honey, it's been a while since we've proven our love for each other. I think it's about time you show me how much you love me." I shook my head.

"Mike, please," I whispered.

"Please what?" he asked, smirking. "You just said you love me, and I love you, so what's wrong?" More tears began to fall.

"I can't." Mike began rubbing my leg, but his face showed he wasn't pleased with my answer.

"I know you can Angela," he said. "You've shown my before. I think you're just scared. But it's ok baby. Now just relax." Mike reached up and unbuttoned my pants and I began to cry more and he pulled them off.

"Please don't do this," I begged him.

"Why not?" Mike asked, anger flooding his eyes.

"Just don't," I replied. Mike laughed a moment and ripped my shirt off my body. He smiled and began kissing my neck and shoulders and I felt his hands fumbling with my bra strap.

"No," I repeated and pushed him away from me. Finally, Mike lost his temper and punched me across the face.

"Shut up!" he yelled. He pushed my shoulders down and laid on top of me, forcing his tongue into my mouth. Desperately, I bit down and pierced his tongue. He screamed and I tasted his blood in my mouth. I released and Mike sat up and began beating me in the mouth and nose.

"You stupid bitch!" he screamed. "I didn't want to have to do this." He reached down under the bed and pulled up a long piece of cloth. Frightened and knowing what he was going to do, I began swinging my arms at him, trying to get away, but Mike grabbed both my arms and pinned them under his knees so he could shove the cloth in my mouth and tie it around in the back of my head. Still, I tried to scream, but no one would hear my muffled cries for help.

"Maybe you'll learn," Mike muttered before unhooking my bra and running his slimy, wet tongue over my breasts. I began sobbing, my tears were a constant flow of my misery and I closed my eyes, praying for this to be over, praying that I was in Shawn's arms, feeling love. But I wasn't. I was in Mike's room and there was no love. I was reminded of this when I felt Mike succeed in getting what he wanted and taking away the very minuscule bit of dignity and self respect I had left in me. All I could do was lay there as Mike hurt me, and hurt me, and hurt me. I had just lost all control of my life.

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A/N: So what did you think? I hope you liked it. RR!


	8. Lost

A/N: Well, it has been almost 4 years since I've updated this, but I'm back :) I have an outline made up for the rest of the story. I hope all the old readers, and hopefully new readers, enjoy the rest to come! I promise I'll finish it within a few weeks as opposed to waiting a few more years.

HELENz: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Boy Meets World or any original characters. I only own Mike.

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I began feeling more and more useless. Mike reappearing in my life proved to me that he would always be there, and no matter what I couldn't escape the pain and horror that had become my life. I had grown accustomed to the feeling of loneliness, and I shut everyone out of my life except Mike. My house phone was still disconnected, and the only time I would ever answer my cell phone was when Mike was calling. I always checked my voicemails from other people, but I never called them back. I didn't need them. I had no visitors. When someone would knock on my door, I ignored it. Mike had a key to my apartment, so I never needed to answer the door. I hadn't talked to Shawn since that night in the park after I thought he had killed Mike. Secretly, I had wished Shawn would have followed me. The fact that he didn't showed me that he was out of my life. I was meant to be with Mike. The abuse that he was putting me through was what I deserved, and this is how my life was supposed to be. I stopped talking to Tori as well. She tried coming over, but I never answered the door. Eventually, she stopped trying altogether. I knew she was only trying to help, but I didn't need her anymore. I had figured my life out. I was meant to be with Mike. I knew he loved me, and if he abused me it was for the good of our relationship. If I didn't cross the line so much, he wouldn't hit me. He only did it to get his points across.

My days were all kind of a blur. I never watched television and very rarely looked at the clock. I didn't keep track of the time and often lost track of what day it was. I would wake up at some point in the morning and have a cup of coffee. It usually helped soothe my headache. Mike would come over and argue with me and accuse me of being unfaithful, even though I never was. Sometimes he would beat me, sometimes he would just yell and slap me. Some beatings were worse than others, but I never went back to the hospital. I waited until he left and cleaned myself up in the bathroom. When Mike was gone, I would use my knife to relieve my pain. My wrists had become very tender and covered in scabs and scars. Every evening, I drowned my sorrows in alcohol and marijuana. Mike knew of my new habit and would often supply the weed. He had figured out that when I was high, I wouldn't resist when he wanted sex, which was nearly every day or two. I would drink myself to sleep at night and wake up in the morning to start the process over. From the outside, it may appear that my life was spiraling out of control, but I had accepted that this was simply the way things were meant to be.

One afternoon, I was sitting in my living room staring at the wall, thinking about a dream I had had the previous night. In it, Shawn and I were together. We were happy. But then, without an explanation, he left me. I started falling down into blackness. It was a never ending drop, and then I woke up. It had been a horrible dream, but I had had worse over the past few months.

I didn't flinch or look up when I heard the key in the door and Mike walk in. He came over and sat beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders. I still didn't look at him.

"Hey babe," he said. "How are you today?" I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. Mike then reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag of cocaine. My eyes fell onto the bag and I watched him set it on the coffee table.

"I thought you could try something new," Mike explained, taking his arm off of my shoulder. "I figured you could get to feeling good and then you could do what you do best." He winked as we spoke, and I simply nodded, still staring blankly at the drugs. He reached down and opened the bag. Mike then pulled a utensil out of his pocket that I had never seen before, but I figured it was used for snorting the drug. I watched Mike snort the cocaine, then I took my turn. A little while later, I let Mike lay me down on the couch and undress me. I laid silently as he shoved his fingers inside of me and violated my mouth with his tongue again. He was really enjoying himself. Before I knew it, he was thrusting inside me. He was moaning loudly and squeezing my breasts tightly with his hand. By this point, I was so high and lost, I wasn't feeling pleasure or pain at all.

When Mike was finished, he zipped his pants, went into the bathroom, and came back with my bath robe which he threw at me. I put on the robe without a word.

"For God's sake, will you speak?" Mike yelled. I hadn't said a word since he walked in. Still, I sat silently on the couch, staring at the wall. Mike came closer and was standing directly over me. I felt a sharp sting on my cheek as he slapped me. "Answer me when I talk to you."

"I didn't realize anything you said required an answer," I said monotonously. Mike became furious at my lack of cooperation and picked me up from the couch by my shoulders. He then proceeded to throw me against the wall. I collapsed onto the floor and propped myself up on my elbows.

"You haven't learned a damn thing," Mike growled as he walked near me. He snatched me off the floor by my arms and punched me in the stomach, knocking the wind completely out of my. I gasped, trying to catch my breath, and winced as he pulled his fist back again. I felt the familiar pain of his fist collide with the side of my face at the same time my apartment door opened. Apparently, Mike had forgotten to lock the door. I heard a horrified gasp from the doorway, and Mike and I both turned to see none other than Shawn standing there looking at the scene in front of him with an expression of sheer fury on his face.

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A/N: So, as I said, I have everything outlined out and I'm really excited to finish this story. I hope you all liked this chapter and will continue reading. Please review!


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